Updated: Nov 15
By McKenna Leavens
When people think of habits they usually think of biting nails or smoking cigarettes, toxic relationships never really come up in that conversation.
So, it’s like this.
There’s this boy who you just can’t seem to get over, and no matter what he says or does to you your heart just keeps giving him a million chances. This boy broke your heart more times than you can count and you did a ton of healing and personal work to get back to a new and improved better version of you, but every time you see him you revert back to that broken human.
You essentially revert back to the person you once used to be with him.
I guess I can’t really blame toxic relationships as a whole. We choose our behavior and we choose our habits. Now is that habit really the relationship or the person?
Personally, my habit is the person, don’t we all have that one person who reverts us back to someone we used to be, or is that just me?
A person we change our morals for, someone we bend all of our rules for. We would continuously go out of our way just to fit into their world because we so badly want them to accept us.
Truth is you should never have to change who you are to fit into someone else’s life, and if you do, then the love they have for you is conditional.
Sometimes you have to take a step back and see how much you’re giving and how little you’re getting in return.
We don’t want to admit to ourselves that this person is terrible for us, because we do feel loved sometimes, we do feel wanted sometimes and we do feel important… sometimes.
Trust me I get it, settling for the “sometimes” feels better than nothing at all. When you settle, you accept the conditional love you aren’t giving others an opportunity to love you fully.
Most importantly you aren’t loving yourself.
Keeping the person in your life who you know deep down inside is no good for you makes you miss out on opportunities.
Do you know how many times I have turned an awesome guy down just because I really thought that maybe someday this guy will love me for me? Spoiler alert… he won’t.
It’s the vicious cycle of he loves me… he loves me not.
The hardest thing in the world is breaking this cycle. It’s almost like we are addicted to the drama of it all. The chaos, stress, and emotional abandonment than the calm, love, and wantedness of it all. We crave to feel needed, so we keep going back.
I’ll let you in on a secret- in order to break the cycle you have to be brave enough to admit to yourself you don’t NEED them, you just want them.
Breaking this cycle isn’t something that can happen overnight, and it’s not something your friends or parents can make you recognize. You truly have to see what it’s doing to you and your mental health.
You then have to make the decision of “is this really worth it?”
TRUST your gut.
Your intuition never lies to you, if you have that hole in your stomach (and most of you know exactly what I’m talking about) then for the LOVE of everything good just walk away.
If you get a visceral reaction from this person I promise you they are not the one. If you needed a sign to let go, here it is.
What you need doesn’t have to spell out their name, what you need is unconditional love and I promise you that will never be something they can give you.