By: McKenna Leavens
For as long as I can remember, “talking” has been used to describe two people who aren’t in a relationship but do everything couples do — confusing right?
Personally, I have so many questions when it comes to “talking.”
Just realized that my bf never asked me to be his gf and we never established that we are dating. We just like live together and have a baby together. But we don't have an anniversary or anything. Omg are we dating? Is it too late to ask what are we? What if we are just friends — tess (@that1mum) April 17, 2018
First of all, are we seeing other people or is this exclusive?
Can I admit I like you or will that scare you away?
Is this going anywhere or will you forever be the person I’m just “talking” to?
More often than not, I see people start talking but never make it to the actual relationship stage.
Don’t get me wrong, in order to develop feelings for someone there has to be a period of time where you get to know them, go on dates and figure out if being in a relationship is something that you both even want.
In today’s society there is an overwhelming amount of people who refuse to commit to just one person. So “talking” is the perfect solution to that.
Hence why when you tell your parents you’re talking to someone, they look confused as hell. Trust me mom, I’m confused too.
My issue with the term “talking” is that no boundaries are ever set. The only thing known is that I like you and you like me, but that is not enough when trying to build a relationship with someone.
I get it, talking is fun. There’s no commitment, you’re just hanging out and doing your own thing.
BUT what happens when real feelings start to develop, and the person you’re talking to is ALSO talking to someone else?
How do you confront that? Are you even allowed to confront it because it’s not like you’re in a committed relationship — right?
See what I mean. Things can get messy real quick.
It can be really difficult when you meet someone new and start to develop feelings.
You never want to be too available or get too attached right away because then that can end up pushing them away.
I feel like there are so many rules when it comes to dating– it can be exhausting. Trust me, I’m still trying to figure it all out.
One thing that I recommend doing with the person that you’re “talking” to is set boundaries.
If the person likes you and you like them, then there should be no issues in having some ground rules. If there are, then that’s not someone you want to be with anyway.
One major red flag I will never turn away from when your partner gets pissed off or ignores you when you try to set boundaries. They should ALWAYS respect what makes you feel comfortable, and vice versa.
The talking stage should JUST be a stage, do not continue to open up to someone who will waste your time in the end.
A piece of advice: Do not start something with someone if you know for a FACT that there will be an ending. If you’re already looking for something to end, then it never should’ve started in the first place.
If you start talking to someone and end up not really feeling it then BE HONEST. Don’t lead them on and continue to waste their time when they could be with someone else.
You’re not saving their feelings you’re being selfish and saving your own.
On the other hand, if you start talking to someone and really like them, say so!
Communication is key — no one can read your mind.
We need to start telling people how we feel. Nothing is more attractive to me than when a guy is straight up about his feelings. It shows maturity and makes me respect him even more.
No matter the outcome, the best thing you can do is be yourself and be honest. This whole “trying to find the right person” thing shouldn’t be so hard.
STOP censoring who you are and how you feel. START telling people how you feel because you can’t lose someone you didn’t have to begin with.